Layoff ends job but not a friendship

In Do the Right Thing, Boston-based consultant Gretchen Neels offers advice on professional etiquette and other behavioral issues that might arise in a law practice.

Q. My colleague of 12 years was shown the door last week. While I am thankful it was not me, I am quite upset by this — more so than I would have imagined. Part of it is “survivor guilt,” and the other aspect of feeling terrible is that I miss our friendship. How can we remain friends while I am still part of the organization that tossed her aside?

A. Let’s face it: Most of the relationships we develop after we complete our formal education occur at work. After 12 years together, of course you are going to miss your friend and colleague. The guilt you feel about keeping your position while she lost hers makes her departure all that more unsettling.
My advice is for you to let your former colleague set the pace as to how much communication she wants to have during the next six months. Let her know that you are very interested in maintaining your friendship, and ask her if there is anything you can do to help her make the transition to another position.
Resist the urge to malign your current employer or gossip about others leaving, and instead focus on ways to help your friend cope with her job loss.

Gretchen Neels is the founder of Neels & Company in Boston, which provides consulting and training in the areas of recruiting and retention, networking and business etiquette to professional services firms. Readers can e-mail their questions to Neels at [email protected].