New England Biz Law Update
Dear Executive Coach:
I have a young lawyer in my group who is unusually skilled. His talent is special in several ways but he lacks the perception needed to read people well. Our general counsel and I agree that he holds great promise but his people skills are inconsistent. He sometimes treats people in ways that cause them to prefer not to continue working with him. At meetings he may say tactless things to a client or other lawyers. I am often put in the position of trying to defend him and I think this “weakness” could very well hurt his future with us. I am beginning to wonder how to help this type of guy? He is a knowledgeable professional with personal limitations.
Sincerely,
RB
Dear RB:
It’s surprising how often the career of an extraordinary talent is thwarted by the personality demons or bad habits that strangely play out in our daily lives. We cannot help but bring these behaviors to work with us. Everyone has their weak points but when it begins to hinder performance, limit one’s career or even potentially lead to termination, a company has two choices: You can watch this lawyer drown himself in his own lack of awareness of his problems or send him a few lifesavers.
This type of situation can be addressed much more directly than most people think. The fear we have of giving bad news exaggerates the difficulty and causes us to pull back. When you meet with him, speak from your personal observations of his behavior instead of talking about the things you have heard. During this meeting you do not need to over explain the problem or delve into the reasons why. Remember that you are his boss, not his therapist.
We have found that the following simple four steps works best when dealing with this type of performance issue. Arrange a private place to sit down and talk about your concerns. At this meeting:
• Tell him exactly what he does;
• Tell him exactly what the impact is of his behavior;
• Tell him exactly what he needs to do instead; and
• Ask him what he thinks about this.
It is best to talk to this young lawyer soon. The longer you wait the more examples you have of his failure and the more frustrated you will become. Holding on to this too long builds resentment within you, but adds no value to improving the situation. Although this may appear at first to be a difficult and complex situation to handle, it is in fact quite straightforward and therefore so are the suggested actions.
You may need to spend time with him demonstrating and practicing so that he “gets” what his behavior looks like now and what changes need to come about.
Be sure to follow up with him on how he is doing on a regular basis. When a slip occurs, speak with him about it as soon after as possible. It is necessary for him to realize that he will be held accountable for his behavior as well as the quality of his legal work.
You might also consider establishing a mentoring relationship for him with another member of your company’s management team. This can provide the ongoing support he will need to continue to maintain his improved performance.
If your efforts with him are not as effective as they need to be, then you might find that this is an appropriate situation for bringing in the assistance of your internal human resources staff or an external executive coach.
Dear Executive Coach:
I’m pretty good at dealing with most of the senior managers in my organization. But there are two I don’t know what to do with. What they have in common is their impatience. They may be very smart, but they come across as arrogant and intolerant of anyone who doesn’t “get” something as quickly as they do.
They intimidate others, act like they are the one who always knows best, and almost dare you to say anything wrong so they can catch you and make you feel like a fool. They set a bad example and a negative tone as leaders in our organization. My intuition tells me not to confront them when they “behave badly” in public. What should I do?
Sincerely,
SP
Dear SP:
The “bad executive behavior” you describe is one of the most common ones I see in my coaching practices. But I have found that most executives who come across as impatient and intimidating do so in part because they’re such fast thinkers. They hate wasting time and they expect everyone to be as perfect as they expect themselves to be.
Sometimes they are insecure and have a high need to control, but just as often they need things to move along and for people to “earn their keep.” Their biggest problem is that they don’t appreciate that their ability to grasp things so quickly is unusual and they have unrealistic expectations of others.
They’re often insensitive about others’ feelings but rarely actually want to make others feel bad. Unfortunately, they have not learned effective ways of dealing with people in certain situations.
What can often work best with these impatient intimidators is to talk with them in private and let them know the following.
Other people, even other smart people, don’t think as quickly as they do. When they jump on people for not “getting things” quickly enough, they are intimidating people and preventing them from speaking up in the future.
If they could slow down just a bit and coach others to figure things out instead of reacting negatively, they would be more likely to get the response they are looking for from others in the long run.
Remember to be supportive and patient when you talk with these executives. Don’t be fooled that just because they grasp business or technical issues quickly that they will get the “emotional” side of things as easily.
If they respond positively to your feedback (immediately or a little later) consider asking them how you can help them in frustrating situations o the next time people will respond to them out of respect instead out of fear or anger.
If you are uncomfortable confronting the person yourself or your attempt to do so doesn’t work, consider talking with your human resources professionals or bringing in an outside consultant or coach.
Dr. Lew Stern is president of Stern Consulting, and is a senior level executive coach and leadership consultant with over 25 years experience working across many industries in the U.S. and abroad. He is the chairman of the board of The Executive Coaching Forum, and is a frequent speaker and writer. He can be reached at [email protected], or at 781-235-0205.
Linda Lerner coaches executive managers and professionals in various fields. Her coaching and human resources experience provide consulting on best practices to a broad range of businesses. Previously she was senior vice president and member of the Executive Committee at USTrust. She serves as chairman of the Stonehill College Human Resources Certificate Program and is principal of Lerner Consulting Services. She can be reached at: [email protected] or at 617-262-2260.
